I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize