I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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