he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
