i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
