There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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