As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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