How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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