i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
