i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
