He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize