apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
