My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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