id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize