Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
