Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
