He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
