p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
