Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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