So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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