My room smells like vodka and shame
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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