R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She announced her abortion via fbk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
