I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
