That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
