Too much gin, very little bucket
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize