I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize