Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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