if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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