please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
