anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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