i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
