she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
