Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
