thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize