I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
