I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize