one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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