Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
