And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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