the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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