My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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