Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
