i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
