She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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