this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
