I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
