If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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