I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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