That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
