I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
