What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
