just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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