Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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