I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
