i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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