There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
