Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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