I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize