the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
