I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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