i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
