I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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